|Posted on April 16, 2010 at 9:45 AM|
We lost Teaghan’s toy monkey out of the stroller the other day . We have looked everywhere for Monkey but she was nowhere to be found. I don’t know who was more sad about losing Monkey - me or Teaghan, because it was actually MY monkey that Teaghan took out to the shops with her! It didn’t have any sentimental value attached to it, except that I really liked it and I’ve had it for a few years. For those in the know, it was a Nici monkey).
It got me thinking... that when we go on missions, we’re going to be giving up a lot more than a mere toy monkey. A lot lot more. Not only will we be giving up the immediate material things, but also certain future dreams. Or at least, these dreams will have to be put on hold for the next 10 or so years.
I’d always known our plans were to go on missions, but in a strange way I still somehow pictured the next 10-15 years of my life in Sydney. But now that we are making decision steps towards missions, reality is really beginning to sink in.
Reality that we’ll soon be moving away from close family and friends.
Reality that Teaghan won’t have her friends to play with in a couple of years time – a lot of friends she’s known since she was born.
Reality that we’ll be moving away to a completely different culture.
Reality that I really won’t be returning back to teach (which I miss!) at Pacific Hills for at least the next 10 years.
Reality that Teaghan won’t be going to prep at Pacific Hills like we’d always thought she would.
Reality that we won’t be able to afford to pay our mortgage once Pete commences full time study at college.
Reality that we will probably be living at college next year.
Reality that we’ll have to find a new home for our cat.
Reality that the much longed for overseas holiday is out of the question.
Reality that we'll probably never be able to save up enough for a bigger house to accomodate our growing family.
I think it is a little harder for me to comprehend this change in reality than it is for Pete... because us leaving means to leave behind my life - the friends that I meet with during the week, the things I do with the kids (swimming, library storytime, playgroup etc), that IS my life right now. My life with my kids will change dramatically. But for Pete, he is already prepared to leave work. Work is work. It’s like he’s leaving one work for another but just in a different country. But my weekday life, the kids’ life, will change. Our friends will change, our routines will change, our activities will change.
It’s kind of hard to articulate how this new ‘reality’ makes me feel. I’m scared but at the same time, it excites me to think of all the new things we’ll experience and the new people we’ll make friends with.
As a friend put it, the hardest stage is this not-quite-there-yet stage. This stage where you anticipate change but isn’t quite there yet to say “Hey this change isn’t bad at all!”.
So again, we go in faith. I have faith in God that whatever this new reality holds, it’ll be good. I just can’t wait til we get there so I can fully embrace the new reality, rather than sitting here working up a sweat wondering what it'll all be like... bring it on!